આકાશ ને થીંગડું મારી શકાય?

SAFARNAAMA- THE NEET EXPERIENCE!

तेरा यूँ abruptly  announce  हो जाना ,

question -pattern , paper-style  सब बदल जाना,

नहीं भूलूंगा मैं,

जब तक है जान 

जब तक है जान ...........

वो voucher  के लिए  धक्के खिलाना ,

website का पहेले ही दिन hang  हो जाना,

याद रखूंगा मैं,

जब तक है जान 

जब तक है जान ...........

तेरी बेरोक-टोक गुस्ताखियों को,

तेरे जूठे कसमें -वादों को,

मोटी -मोटी किताबों से,

इस दिल  पे पड़े इन जख्मों को,

नहीं भूलूंगा मैं,

जब तक है जान 

जब तक है जान

जब तक है जान .......

The war has ended! the dragon has been slayed! finally, the burden on the hearts of us interns has been lifted, the NEET-PG has been finished. celebrate guys! Tap your feet to the  "Futterwacken" dance, its  Frabjous Day at last!

 All the Interns and Post-interns who've taken this National Eligibility cum Entrance Test -PG are heaving a great sigh of relief as they come out of exam venue. Obviously! why wouldn't they? It was the biggest exam they were looking forward to since a year at least. Cramming up their heads full to the brim, crunching up mnemonics and chocking up on notes which can supposedly lead to the Golden Gate of the PG seat of their choice. keeping a delicate balance between hectic Internship schedules and Pre-PG prep. classes/test-series is no less herculean a task.

Add to it the torture of uncertainty first: whether NEET will be conducted or not?  followed by a "bolt out of the blue" announcement of the exam schedule just around 2 months before the test-date. Not to mention the cruel advancement by 2 months from the regular dates of AIPG and GUJ-PG conducted till last year.

AS for the preparation, people already knew that NEET is definitely gonna be different from  the AIPG and GUJ-PG. But the funda of 'case-based' and 'photo-based' questions was alien to them. The Junta was divided in two neat groups: one thinking that whatever may come, 'triple-A' will be the source of major chunk of the paper. while the other, more enlightened group focused on getting their concepts right by reading the compiled reference books designed specially for the NEET.

Seeing so vast an amount of data to be processed within a short time, it was obviously necessary to do some compromise. hence, most of the people did textbooks/notes for major subjects like Medicine, surgery, Obs, PSM and went for papers and AAA for minors like SARPO. the explanations given  for previous 10 years AIPG and AIIMS too served a great deal of help. There were also test series provided by some institutes, giving practice papers on each subject based on AIPG/NEET pattern.


 What I personally did was to read the text first in major subjects followed by respective papers & explanations to be completed with AAA in the end. Skipping the text altogether for minor subjects. For the revision, As the time was not enough, I  hurried through the text first  followed by the AAA questions specially marked as 'MRN'(multiple repeats needed) and doing the paper solutions in the end.


As it was told first that NEET was to have case-based  long questions , the one-liners and 'Rattebles' were logically sidelined. While focusing chiefly on the classifications, stagings and tables; kinda 'LBH' (learn by heart) stuff. Some meritorious friends also took pains to shuffle through 'standard' text-books for facts and figures. with the time moving forward soon the action gained momentum. the ward attendance started to dwindle, the reading rooms chocked full, the Darbaarwallah started having orders for a cuppa tea at 1 in the morning. And before anyone could realize the date for registration was at our doorstep.

Kyaa din they woh! Aaha! Kya management! (these few words to be read in a satirical tone) The application was to be filed online, but fees had to be paid in advance through Axis Bank vouchers. Before the Bank could open at 10.00 a.m. , people had already lined up there since 8.00 a.m. , unaware of the long ordeal they'd have to face that day. Prometric (the company whom NEET was outsourced) had set up a wide registration window, starting from 3 oct to 12 nov. , but had forgotten the fact that 98% of applicants would try to file their application on the first day itself. So the glitches started showing up, within just 2 hours of opening the registration process, the site started to falter. The 'server Down' messages started popping up. What more! They had allotted a definite quota of seats to be filled per center per day. Ahmedabad being filled up just before noon. Ab Kya karein? With A'bad not in hand the Junta started opting for faraway places, and before blink of an eye, Delhi, Jaipur, and Mumbai were packed.

By the time I was able to lay my hands on the voucher and register my humble application(which was on the 2nd day) only Jammu & Kashmir was open, that too on 23 &24! But lucky me! I remembered a Gujarati proverb that says : Patience bears sweet fruits. And so I waited, checking each 15 minutes for any center 'opening up'. It did really bear fruit- A'bad popped itself open, and accommodated me on Dec. 4 The selection of the day was no less than a stress-er, it was like choosing our own 'Battle-day', more like  a Pick-a-poison.


There were many provisions made to help the candidates. But the best help was; not to rely on any! They had set-up a help desk with 2 numbers, both of which went dead within two days of being operational. Not to mention their ignorant operators repeating only the sentence: "I'm sorry Mr. XYZ, please refer to the website for details". There was a Twitter (@neetpg2012) handle too, tweeting the whole day and night non-sense stuff like "do not panic" and " plz chk WS 4 instrctns". A confirmation email was promised to each candidate immediately after applying. I'm still waiting for mine! Probably they'll send it to me next year.
I guess everyone who got registered without any troubles might have had some credit points in their Karma account.

But as the dates passed by, the gears started shifting, the speed rising steeply. There would be some days when one would've read more number of books than the Rotis he might have eaten that day.
The tension hung in the air. Tempers becoming unstable,The girlfriends breaking up. Even the bath was considered a ‘waste-of-time’, and food- ‘a necessary interruption’. Caffeine started to have more concentration than albumin in blood.

 The productivity graph which had rose steeply reached to a plateau, and as the 23 nov approached, it fell suddenly. The first batch to the martyrdom dispatched on 23^rd morning and returned with an evil omen—“the NEET pattern was all Bull-shit.” The whole paper was composed of one- liners; and the Photo/Case based questions were just April-fool. The lucky souls having a “date” in the later parts changed their trajectory. The focus shifted now to the same one-liners and Rattebles once shoo-ed away as lepers.

 Some, seeing their whole year-full of hard work going down the drain lost all the hope. The words “nothing matters” and “It’s all mithya” and “Vairaagya  aur  Sanyaas” Started trending the small talks. While a set of people still kept faith in The System. The songs in the playlist changed from “Velle-Velle” to “Jee le Zaraa….” But the books were not put aside till the day of the exam. Everyone tried to squeeze out the last drop of energy from their body.
As our fellow readers started leaving their earmarked seats in the library one-by-one, a sense of separation filled-up inside my heart. As if they were going away leaving me stranded on a deserted island.

The day of 4^th dec dawned and I, an owl of the nights, woke up before the alarm rang almost at 5. A pre-appointed Rikshawallah took me to the center exactly 1 hour before the ‘reporting-time.’ I realized that day what Ajmal Kassab might have felt on 21^st morning- the day of his execution. Though I was not going to be killed but we both had the same situation of mind.

• Amotivation.
• Anhedonia.
• Apathy.

An Eternal bliss waiting on the other end.

The management at the test location was really good. We were queued up as per our testing codes, our Id’s checked 4 times. Biometry taken, our pockets turned inside-out, whole body palpated for some “unauthorized item- either written or printed in any format- other than the documents required to be presented.” This included watches and hankies. No visits to the loo allowed, constant video and physical surveillance. No exchange of words. The whole environment felt so sterile, I wondered if they can start performing surgeries there!

At the precise time we started. A 15 minute tutorial before the actual test in which we were taught that the oval toy with a long tail was called the ‘Mouse’, which needed to be held ‘delicately’. ‘It helped move a tiny arrowhead on the screen called the pointer’. We could go to the next question by clicking on (pressing lightly then releasing quickly) the button marked NEXT  and previous question by clicking  PREVIOUS. Plus there was also a printed sheet of paper telling us to ‘ do not tamper with the computer-either hardware or software’ lest we aggravate a nuclear missile crisis.

The rest that followed is blurred. There were 240 questions in total. I don’t know how many I did correct, or how many were just guess-work. But by the time the clock stopped ticking, I was done with my career.

As the nursery-kids-going-out-for-a-pee, we were allowed to leave the test room in a queue—5 at a time. Without making noise.

I had decided beforehand, that whatever be the mood, either Talaash or Life of Pi would be the next big thing. But seeing the solemn faces of my colleagues, I sat silently in the auto and directed him to ‘civil-hospital’ as I met people after the test, the first question was the obvious. And my constant reply was: “Not sure”. Not that I had flunked that badly. But the uncertainty prevails. And it will, till the declaration of results. There’s only one thing I’m sure—either I will be IN the game, or OUT of it. No third choice here.

A few days ago, someone asked me: “it’s just an exam! What’s the Big Deal?” I felt like laughing out loud, and at the same time hit him hard on the face. But as I couldn't do none, I stared at him calmly and muttered: “IT IS THE BIG DEAL!”

P.S.- as I was heading toward the exam venue, this song from Hero Motocorp’s ad started playing in my head. I'm dedicating it to everyone who took the test.

HUM main Hain HERO

Dil dheere dhadke hai aaj

Hone ko hai aagaaz

Safar pe Chalne ka badhne kaa

Itna hai Hausla

Mitnaa hai faasla

Manzil ne mil hi jaana hai
hoooo......

Khwabon se aage jaana hai.......

Humi se toh ummedein hain

Humi se toh dilasa hai

Hami pe hai nigaahe bhi

Hami pe Bharosa hai

Hum mein hai hero...

Hum Mein Hai Hero

Dil se kaho hai Hum Mein Hai Hero

Milke kaho hai Hum Mein Hai Hero